But we live in a society where pornography is widespread, so even when I wasn’t looking for porn, it was just there.” “I knew what I was doing was wrong… I’ve always known that. As he was doing so, however, he continued looking at pornography. Mamood tells me that as he grew older - and with Islamic marriage on his mind - he attempted to become a more devout Muslim. I wanted to figure out what was happening to my body.” Not because of a sinful sexual attraction. “It started, like most boys, with wet dreams. Calling me from a cafe in central Birmingham, far away from his home, he says that he started masturbating in his late teens “without really knowing what I was doing.” This makes what he calls an “addiction” to masturbation even harder to talk about. He lives in a neighborhood almost entirely filled with Muslim families, all of whom know each other, attend the same social events and congregate at the same mosque. He’s a practicing Muslim who prays five times a day and teaches children in madrassa (Islamic school). Mamood, 27, lives in Birmingham, one of Britain’s largest cities and home to the country’s largest Muslim population outside of London.

May Allah, the greatest, the most kind, the most merciful, forgive me.” “I did it again,” he typed to the members of a private Facebook group. Every so often, he peered over his shoulder, just in case someone was still awake and could come into his room. On a Friday night a few weeks ago, Ibrahim “Ibby” Mamood was frantically typing on his laptop, shaking, with droplets of sweat dripping from his forehead. This story is republished from MEL Magazine, a new men’s digital magazine that understands that there’s no playbook for how to be a guy.

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